The Beginners Guide to a Healthy Marriage as a New Mom
Before we became pregnant with our son Liam we had no idea what all having a baby would entail. We had been told not to forget about our marriage when our son was born but if you’ve ever had a kid you know darn well that those little humans take up at least 95% of your brain capacity. Now that we are about a year into raising our little one let me tell you it has rocked our world. It has been hard to say the least for my husband and I trying to navigate just how we were going to make time for each other. Although I like to think that we are doing pretty well considering all the stresses that come along with being a new parent(mamma’s you know what I mean). Whether it’s physical exhaustion or mental exhaustion it’s very easy to forget all about your significant other. Give yourself some grace! I hope these tips and tricks give you motivation to keep the romance alive with your husband. After all once all your babies have left the nest it will be just you and him. Your partner for life.
What is a Healthy Marriage?
A healthy marriage is a relationship between two people who are essentially best friends. The couple may have outside hobbies that they enjoy on their own but they enjoy each other’s company the most and have a mutual respect for one another. A healthy marriage has trust and faith in one another without having any doubt in one another. It can be described as a team, working together to achieve the common goal. It’s being able to be vulnerable with the rawest part of yourself and know that your partner is still going to be there for you in the end. There is no judgement in a marriage, no fear. Now I know a lot of people say that love alone does not make a marriage last and while I agree but it’s the love that will keep you in the game and fighting for relationship.
How to get started
I was once told that a healthy marriage begins with you. Now at the time I was thinking, “you’re crazy!” Because why on earth would I be the only one who has to work on our marriage, aren’t we supposed to be a team? And while that is correct I have come to realize that marriage is truly about selflessness. Now this is a two way street my friend but if you are focusing on your partners happiness you will also begin to receive that same happiness. I think serving your spouse is one of the best ways that you can show affection and love. It can be something small such as warming up the bottle in the middle of the night or throwing away the dirty diaper after the fifth diaper change of the evening. Small tasks really do go a long way.
Tips for Success in Marriage as a New Mom
- Keep Dating Each Other– I know that with a new baby it is so difficult to leave them with a sitter and spend time with your spouse but this is so very important. You should try to go on dates at least once a month or more if you can. Set a date and just go! My husband and I can definitely tell when we haven’t had any alone time for awhile. We tend to get irritated with each other way too easily. So find someone you trust with your little bundle of joy and go have some fun with your man!
- Do NOT Stay Angry– In my humble opinion I think that it is so very toxic to stay angry at your spouse for long periods of time. Even overnight because remember this; you love them, you need them, and you are a team. And don’t forget this doesn’t just involve you anymore. You have a child to think about as well. It’s okay to argue and get angry but it shouldn’t be you against your husband, it should be you and your husband against the conflict working it out together.
- Communication is Key– You should never just assume that your husband knows what you’re thinking at all times. So many times my husband and I have gotten into arguments because we failed to communicate. Especially since you are both now trying to figure out how to take care of this little human. It becomes way to easy to leave feelings left unsaid until it’s 3 A.M. and you’re up with the baby for the hundredth time while your husband is snoring so loudly it echos through your brain and then finally you’ve had enough and go off like a crazy person when all you wanted in the first place was just a tad more help the baby through the night. (Can you tell I’ve been through this myself?)
- Explore all Kinds of Intimacy– Intimacy isn’t always sexual. Emotional intimacy is just as valuable. Being able to talk to your spouse without fear of judgement really creates a safe space in your marriage for you each to lean on. Don’t forget about sexual intimacy though because I believe this is equally important. As a new mom it is hard to have the desire to have “sexy time” with your husband but remember that they need that physical bond just as much as the emotional one.
- Don’t Forget About YOUrself– It is so easy as a mother and a wife to forget about yourself almost entirely. You are so busy taking care of everyone else that taking care of yourself is the last thing on your mind. But mamma let me tell you that this is my MOST important piece of advice. It is impossible to pour from an empty cup. Do at least one thing for yourself everyday. You will not regret it. Have your husband take care of the baby so that you can shower ALONE. Get your nails done. Go get a coffee from your favorite coffee shop. Do something everyday that sparks joy inside your soul and I promise you that your marriage will thank you for it.
The Last Thing You Need to Know
- I truly hope that the advice I shared with you today sparks motivation to work on your own marriage. Marriage is something that takes continuous effort and forgiveness. When you get married it’s not perfect and it never will be. Everyone makes mistakes. But having a spouse is so wonderful when you can to depend on them to lean on. Its a learning experience. Thank you so much for reading my blog today. I hope it brought a smile to your face. Go hug your husband and love on that sweet baby of yours. If you enjoyed reading this please leave and comment and reach out. I would love to hear from you!